May Your Mental Health Be Kind: Mona’s Match-Up with Chronic Mental Illness

I’m gonna be so real right now… Mental Health Awareness Month gets loud. Between inspirational quote spam and “have you tried yoga?” energy, it can feel like the real, messy, daily reality of mental illness gets lost in the shuffle.  So, I wanted to share something a little different. 

Not a polished “I’ve overcome everything” post… but an honest match-up: me vs. chronic mental illness.  Spoiler: some days I win, some days I don’t. But every day, I fight.

Mental Health = Autonomy (Not Just Survival) When I was younger, I would’ve defined mental health as “a struggle.”  A constant uphill battle. But now? Mental health means autonomy. 

It means having the power to choose how I respond to life even if my brain wakes up ready to self-sabotage. It’s the ability to set my own pace, to ask for space, to show up messy or not at all.  It’s not about perfect balance, it’s about giving myself permission to be human.

Waking Up at 11 Bad mental health days don’t build slowly.. they crash in, uninvited. I’ll open my eyes and BAM: flashback to something traumatic from the last 15 years.  Or worse, my dreams have been chaotic survival simulations: all night floods, (hello, hurricane harvey) apocalypses, extremely bizarre betrayals… I wake up already in fight-or-flight.

The scale only goes to 10, but I’m waking up at 11.  The rest of the day unfolds like a slow-motion collapse.  Think house of cards in a windstorm. 

Each little thing hurts.  Every tiny inconvenience feels monumental.  It’s not dramatic, it’s just real. And yeah, it FEELS pathetic.  But I’ve learned that acknowledging that pain is a kind of strength.

The Tools That Keep Me Afloat (Even When I’m Sinking) I’ve collected coping tools like survival gear things that keep me tethered when I feel like floating away. Some of my favorites?

• First thought, worst thought: A mental trick to call out catastrophizing before it spirals.

This is the best real-time, “oh shit, I cannot get away from this, I must react but not what my instinct is” tool to completely pivot the absolute trainwreck that is about to come spilling out of me. TL:DR First Thought Worst Thought has statistically changed the outcome for the better more times than I can count.

• Grounding exercises: 5 things I can see, 4 I can hear, 3 I can touch, 2 I can smell, 1 I like.

I fought this tool for a very long time, and only until adulthood could I have the patience to give it an honest go, and holy crap, I so wish I would have utilized this sooner. Moments of panic don’t always call for extreme responses, sometimes something as simple as regaining perspective of your surroundings can ground you, it has definitely come in handy during PTSD episodes!

• Cannabis: After years of battling side effects from prescriptions, I’ve found that cannabis (used intentionally) supports my focus, creativity, and regulation. 

Being able to order online has been a complete game changer. I don’t have to deal with the anxiety of a pickup, or even if the shady deal I made with my cousin’s friend will actually work for me. 

• Social interaction & distraction: Talking with someone, even about dumb stuff, keeps me out of my head.

Community support and a mental health network is so important to have and maintain. Social interaction with friends can be a leg of that network, even if your friends don’t know it! Don’t shy away from even the smallest friendships!

• Understanding dopamine: I don’t chase the highs like I used to. I try to maintain a sustainable relationship with joy. I build routines that let me experience satisfaction, not just stimulus.

As an A.D.H.D riddled individual, this tool has been revolutionary on how I use cannabis and interact with others who use cannabis. There is a time and a place for all things, and cannabis has been essential for maintaining healthy boundaries with dopamine and myself! 

Showing Up When I Can’t (But Somehow Still Do) Let’s talk about “showing up.” There are days I just… can’t.  But that doesn’t mean I’m lazy or failing.

Sometimes, I strategize. I film tons of content when my energy is high, so I have a stash for low days. I’ll stay up late when I’m in flow so I can rest when the crash comes.  Other times, I flop. I fall behind. I ghost people.  Then I get back up and try again.  That’s not weakness, it’s resilience.

My system isn’t perfect, but it doesn’t break me.  And that’s the point. If You Feel Too Broken to Keep Going…

Here’s what I want you to hear:

• You’re not wrong.
• You’re not too much.
• You’re not too late.

You deserve stability. You deserve to be heard. You deserve to exist as you are, not just as the version of yourself you think people will accept. Whether you’re thriving or barely treading water your story matters.  Your effort matters.  You matter.

With Infinite Cheers & Love,
Mona Leafah